♥Quotes||| Original ART |||HANDMADE CRAFTS
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“The soul would have no rainbow
if the eyes had no tears.”—Laurel Burch
Quotes…. “When injustice becomes Law resistance becomes Duty”—Thomas Jefferson
Some people feel the rain. Others just get wet. ~ Bob Marley
Beauty is that which attracts the soul, and that which loves to give and not to receive. ~ Kahlil Gibran
“Imagination is the beginning of creation. You imagine what you desire, you will what you imagine, and at last, you create what you will” – George Bernard Shaw
“It is impossible to say how first the idea entered my brain; but once conceived, it haunted me day and night. Object there was none. Passion there was none. I loved the old man. He had never wronged me. He had never given me insult. For his gold I had no desire. I think it was his eye! yes, it was this! He had the eye of a vulture –a pale blue eye, with a film over it. Whenever it fell upon me, my blood ran cold; and so by degrees – very gradually –I made up my mind to take the life* of the old man, and thus rid myself of the eye forever.” ― Edgar Allan Poe, The Tell-Tale Heart and Other Writings *fear and anger.
FYI: Relevant to me because the ‘life of the old man’ I took was actually the life of the fear my father had of my academic education in relation to his dropping out of school after 7th grade to work his father’s farm. He was a smart man. He had no reason to feel insecure around me. However, he did. And for that reason, he made my life a nightmare until I turned 18-yo and legally left home on my own for college.
The eye in this verse is speaking of my father’s icy blue eye of anger & rage. . . just as he verbally unleashed unpleasantries accompanying the switch dance punishment. I made up my mind to invoke a verbal plan to push him over the edge… Irregardless of the potentially dangerous outcome for me. I’d been to that edge a few times where as a child I thought I might not be alive much longer.. . Real or not, that is how it seemed…. but that only happened 2-3 times maybe…. Where I could no longer stand, or cry, or run in circles cause it hurt too much… Probably hurt the same emotionally as physically…. He would drag me around the floor, hitting me & yelling for me to stand up… I don’t know what happened exactly,… But I couldn’t stand up or say anything…. Almost like I had shut down…that’s when I felt only one thing…. My own rage at him for being a big person hitting a little person, I’d curl up in a fetal position to protect my face/head (same exact thing happened with my 1st husband, so sad… but is why we divorced)… I only know I decided I would prevent my father (& years later my husband) from doing it again… whether I survived or not was irrelevant… It was the escape or relief I was seeking. So, my plan involved verbal banter by design to push him into that rage and beyond…. so that either he’d realize he needed to stop or he’d stop,…. cause I’d not be here to beat up… either way, he’d stop. I recall my third, fourth, & fifth grade teachers inquiring about the bruises/marks I had. And, I recall lying to them saying I fell out of the apple tree or crashed my bike into the shed… true stories I always told, but those accidents did not cause my injuries. Best I can remember, I was 12-13 years old when I came up with a plan. I recall thinking I’ll soon be in high school, this crap has to stop. Plus, I don’t recall being at school embarrassed by all the questions from kids /teachers during 6th-7th grades.
Lucky for me the plan worked both times. My father was so angry at me over something, he came at me with a switch from the back door while I was standing in the kitchen… and with the iciest look in his blue eyes. . . that in just a few seconds I knew I would either succeed or fail instantly…. So I reached out to him…. Um, lashed out really… in my sharpest name-calling lingo I could muster…. and he stopped walking toward me, paused in disbelief and said “say WHAT?”. . . A good sign, but no turning back now. . . And out of my mouth came the lowest opinion of him that any person could ever tell another… I called him an idiot for being so dumb as to have to hit a smaller person in order to make himself feel important… how he was a liar to ever tell me he loved me, cause no one treats a person they love this way… I don’t recall everything said, but it was a pile of dirt on him, because…. I felt it might be the last words I ever said to anyone ….in a desperate attempt to “fix” my father. Now, I never said it was the best plan or a smart plan. . . . It was just the one I came up with.
Dad went beyond rage that day… I could see something in his face, some thought… Where he realizes something… Not sure what he realized, but whatever it was his eyes changed colors from icy blue to soft pale blue, and his face went blank… He looked either gone into a blind rage or gone elsewhere….. So a few seconds passed where I could not read the change, only knew there was a change or something new on his mind. Next, instead of being hit when his arm raised…. He threw down the switch from his hand, turned to go out the back door, and said “gotta go, I’ll be back” and he took off for the woods for an hour or two. When he returned, we did not speak of it… Not then, or ever. And he never, ever whipped me again. . . Nor my younger brother & sister.
My first husband Bob, I’ve written about in a private journaling. One day I may post it here. I’ve lost contact with him after my second marriage. Prior to that we kept in email contact for nearly ten years after our divorce. I’m still not sure divorce was the correct resolution to our issues. Please do not be misled, Bob is a wonderful person,…. kind, thoughtful, deep, loving, brilliant…. only after many years did issues arise…. Not sure what caused his anger issues … I think something changed w/rt him and/or my big opinionated mouth/mind led him to temper outbursts to cause him to push me down/up stairs, hit me with a floor lamp, etc…. Given my childhood experience, & after failed marriage counseling (he refused to go more than once because he said there was nothing wrong with him)…. I felt I could not bear the same as an adult and opted out of the 16-year marriage to the love of my life. I never stopped loving him despite our our divorce and I never will. The same goes for my father. I never stopped loving Daddy ever, despite my fat mouth & his anger management issues… And, he knew it too. I made sure of that.
I spent many (~10) years single before remarrying cause I thought I was better off single… unlucky in love… Also felt maybe the common denominator was me (with Dad & Bob)…. Yet I worked just fine with many men every day as minority female in various engineering departments/ companies. So, I thought maybe its just where ” heart” is involved…. since the logic side of life worked fine.
I did fall in love again, eventually remarried… And that marriage ended after about 8 years…. due to either his inability to accept his infidelity or the infidelity was just his way to exit to the marriage. I was on an accelerated work project that required 80 hours/wk from me for nearly a year… So my workaholic self can be blamed in part… He was very angry that I discovered his GF on his cell phone and said I’d never forgive him thus proceeding with separation is appropriate… Meanwhile she called to apologize profusely, saying he told her he was divorced, and as a policewoman she would never ever go out with a married man… Said she was gonna dump him…and she did. So, that is why I feel he may have just been looking for an exit and for whatever reason not admitting to himself or me that’s what he wanted… His reasoning was I’d never ‘forgive’ him thus parting is best. I had forgiven him & told him so. So, sounds to me like he either didn’t ‘forgive’ himself or just wanted an out. I dunno. I gave up.
I give up. I’m too old to be concerned about such matters. The good times of marriage are a blessing. Unfortunately, mine didn’t last as long as I’d have liked.
Well now, seems this art @ quote page has morphed into a dirty laundry page. . . LOL. Most likely I will move this quote & text to a separate “life lessons in love” page and add a few new quotes to this page. . .as soon as I get the chance…. When I said this was a “rough” page I meant visually unkempt 🙂
“The soul would have no rainbow if the eyes had no tears.”—Laurel Burch